Every Mile A Memory

So I most definitely have not updated on this in a while and I really need to get back in the habit of it. This past weekend was spent in Charleston with my most favorite non blood family members! It was a house with 4 adults and 6 kids (all under the age of 8)....INSANITY! I'm used to my one child so Ansley, bless her heart, is a saint for being able to handle her 5 children to my 1. The kids really were awesome though!

Friday we hung out at the beach. It was just a tad bit windy....but we made the best of it. The kids even decided to get in the freezing cold water. Friday night was topped off with a cook out for Ansley's neighbors so that meant a date night with my man to the one and only Hymans and a nice walk downtown in the shops and night market. We don't get date nights often so it was nice.

Saturday (after our EVENTFUL smoking lunch at Waffle House.....love you Ans) we took all 6 kids PLUS the 2 children that Ansley was babysitting....and went downtown. The look on people's faces when you saw Bryan pushing a stroller with Ansley pushing a stroller and 5 kids walking in between them made the whole trip worth it. It appeared as if the Duggars had taken over Charleston. So after about 30 minutes of that Bryan loaded up all the kids and left Ansley and Lauren to walk around with us for a while. It was very nice. We were able to just walk around and enjoy ourselves. Watching Jayden and Lauren so close is fun to me. They were inseparable all weekend. Saturday night Ansley arranged a babysitter and we were able to have adults only dinner at AW Shucks. I can't tell you the last time we were able to have dinner just adults. I love Jayden and I know they love their kids but it was nice to just be us for a little while and enjoy dinner.

Sunday was a sad day....we came home, but by way of Savannah and stopped for a fun lunch on River Street and did a little walking around.

 

I made a rule for this trip, no counting calories, no stressing about what I ate....I was on vacation and I was going to enjoy it and then deal with it when I got home. Well I didn't eat the best but according to my scale this morning I was down 1.5lbs so it wasn't a weekend wasted!

Out With The Old....In With The New

So I had the best motivation I could probably ever get last night. I call it motivation but it really was the worst (and most needed) slap in the face that I could get. I have changed some things in my life but not what I NEEDED to change. We aren't eating out every meal like we were, and I am cooking fairly healthy meals at home now....on top of going to the gym a couple of days a week....but the biggest truth it, IT IS NOT ENOUGH. I ate Reese's Eggs for Easter along with french fries, and deep fried crap here and there. I have to stop. It is time for me to be the best me that I can be. The best parent to Jayden that I can be. I come from an over weight family and I'm done with that trend. I refuse to be Jayden's over weight mom. I want to feel good about myself. I want to be happy when I look in the mirror and not try, or turn away because of the mess that I see looking back at me.

So I left the gym in tears last night, and I cried off and on all night but today is a new day. I talked to a couple of my biggest fans (I will be honest, and am very thankful that they don't see me like I do but both are very supportive of me and my wants) and I cried with both of them and then I decided that I'm going to do something about it. Betsy told me that she knew where the tears were coming from, she knew how I felt, and rather than sit at home and cry to go walk and cry. To fix it. So last night (after telling her repeatedly that I didn't participate, only chickened out actually, in the 5k that I had been looking forward to because I didn't think I could even walk 3 miles) I started walking around my block. I put my headphones in and started walking. I walked the first mile and rather than stopping like normal I kept walking and with each step, lap, and then the second mile I just kept walking. I cried off and on, I was mad at myself and I was going to walk until I wasn't anymore. I ended up walking 3 miles last night. I cried because I did it. Because even though I didn't think I could, I did.

Getting off my butt and stopping feeling sorry for myself is the best way to fix this. There is no Reese's Egg that will make me feel better about myself than if I actually fix this monster that I have created. It has consumed me, made me feel ugly, not worthy, and a complete mess and it's time to kick him out and destroy him. Food is food, it's not important, we have to have it, but not all of the crap. As I keep being reminded, "I didn't do this to myself in a day, so it's going to take more than a day to fix it." So I'm fixing it....I'm starting it. I am WORTH it. I wore jeans yesterday that a month ago I couldn't even button....with that small victory and my 3 miles last night I am walking on and NEVER turning back.

 

So My Life Is A Little Stressful At Times...

My life being a little stressful at times has been the understatement of the century....at least for the past 2 years. Just when everything starts getting back to our new "normal" something else happens.

The weekend recap - Saturday....Mom and Dad moved things out of my dad's mom's house because she has been placed in a permenant room at the nursing home. Then on Sunday - we decided to be lazy, weren't all feeling the greatest and all were exhausted from moving the day before so we decided to be lazy. Until I got a text that morning from Nana telling to me to "call now". This turned into Jackie answering the phone with...."First I want you to know that she's ok, that everything's going to be ok" (Yeah that is the beginning to a freak out). Nana was transported to Biloxi Regional Hospital Sunday morning and they thought it was her gallbladder and were going to do surgery. This turned into me, mom, and Jayden getting dressed and throwing clothes in suitcases faster than we could process what was going on and what we were going to need. To make a long story short, my mom ended up catching a flight down and staying there until Monday when the surgeon felt like she was at least strong enough to get back to Atlanta for surgery. (HUGE blessing....she could have been down there for weeks!!) I have been told that the best part of Nana's hospital room was that she was on the 6th floor and had a perfect ocean view....

At this point - Nana is checked into Piedmont Hospital and awaiting scheduling of her surgery. We don't know how long she's going to be there or how the surgery will be performed. The radiation and chemo that she went through last year may prevent her from being able to do the laprascopic version and force them to cut her open. The recovery time could be a while.

My family is becoming all too familiar with these "emergency medical situations" and handling the just go with the flow attitude of hospitals and doctors. To a point where it's almost scary. Up until 2 years ago I had fairly healthy family members...I am now missing the best grandfather that ANYONE could ever have because of cancer....have done chemo and radiation with Nana....heart malfunctions....and now gallbladder surgery. I know my poor mother is ready for a break and I speak for everyone when saying that I think we could all go for some normal right about now!

I think I will take my own advice..... :)

I've Had Some Amazing Times....

So the blog topic for today is....

"What are 3 Signifigant Memories From Your Childhood? This topic so hard for me, I have so many memories....maybe not as much from an early early age but just with different things. Each of these memories are important to me in a special way - it may have been a fun trip we were on....maybe it was a ball game....not necessarily life changing events but just little reminders of how lucky I am and how much fun I have had these past 26 years.

1. Anyone who knows me knows that I grew up playing softball. I loved it, I was a tomboy at heart and softball was my sport. From as early as I can remember Nana had a nickname for me..."Slugger". It stuck with me through high school....(I think she even called me that when I played adult co ed ball). That name didn't mean as much....but I heard it every game. She was there, every game (that meant so much more). I had one game in a tournament where I hit a homerun, not an in the park homerun but cleared the fence homerun. Over everything else I could hear her. Nana and Pa were then and still are, even though one of them is looking down on me from heaven, my biggest fans.

2. So my sister, lucky as she is to have me, argued with me all the time. She just couldn't accept the fact that....#1 - I was ALWAYS right and #2 - What I say went. If she would have only learned this her life would have been so much easier. So needless to say it was not uncommon for us to argue...fight....yell, etc. Well this one time, going to the lake (we did this often on the weekends) we had the pleasure of riding, in Friday afternoon traffic, with Pa to lake Allatoona....we started arguing and had not even been in the car 30 minutes yet. Not long after the arguing started Pa butted in with...."If you 2 don't stop arguing I'm going to puke!" That was all it took, we busted out laughing. Pa didn't punnish anyone, well maybe my mom back in the day but I highly doubt that too! That was his form of punnishment for us. Probably the best punnishment I have ever received.

3. When I graduated high school - I remember walking down on the field to go to our seats and looking at the field, and looking at the school, and I just started crying. I was scared. Things had been so easy up until then and I was now done with school. I was an adult and could make my choice about school and moving out and what I would do with myself and it all hit me standing there at the bottom of those steps. Other than finding out I was pregnant - it was probably the most scared I have ever been in my life.

Only because this is probably a family favorite story I will list an additional one.....

4. Our Girl Trips - me, my mom, my sister, and Nana used to take "girl trips" every summer. Well one girl trip that we went on was to Biloxi, MS. I love Biloxi but this trip was something special. First of all we were staying at our usual place, the Beau Rivage. If you haven't ever been there the Beau Rivage is like the king on the block. The hotel is beautiful and HUGE (it's probably the biggest one in Biloxi). So here we are....in the nicest hotel in Biloxi and my grandmother's tooth breaks off and she looks like the freaking toothless wonder walking around there. It wasn't like a back tooth that you couldn't see, it was one of her front ones. Trailer Park central FOR SURE!! We ended up at some drug store with Nana trying to super glue her tooth back in place. This was also the trip that my mom thought it would be funny to THROW a rubix cube at my head. (I was abused as a child....) and I am pretty sure that I got a concussion. The corner of that rubix cube sunk into the top of my head and I thought I was dying. Needless to say it was a very memorable trip. (Our girl trips usually were - bless my family's heart) haha!



After talking to Betsy yesterday for a while we discussed blogs and weightloss and recepies and working out and so much more but she wanted to know what blogs I follow. I have 3 blogs that I read pretty religiously and enjoy them a lot.

1. Fat Chick 2 Fit Chick - Jennifer is the author of this blog and she's fabulous! She started out last summer and her blog is about her journey. She has lost 90+ lbs now and posts tons of pictures and receipes!

2. Mama Laughlin - Brandi is another mom who is not fake....started her weight loss with C25K and has never stopped. She also posts TONS of pictures and receipes.

3. Skinny Meg - She is "Mama Laughlins" friend. They were both bloggers who lived in the Dallas, TX area and they met and are now best friends. Also a great weight loss story with a lot of work out ideas and receipes!

Oh The Places I Could Go

Today's blog topic....

"If You Could Live Anywhere, Where Would It Be and Why?"

Even though for the most part I love living in Georgia, if I could live anywhere it would probably be in the Wilmington, North Carolina area. I LOVE that area. I have family that lives there and it's such a beautiful town. It has the prettiest old houses and things are just different there. It has city life as well as the beach close by so it's the best of both worlds.

Better Take A Seat For This One.....

In NOT keeping up with my "30 Days of Blogging" I will play catch up...once again.

Day 17- What is the Most Difficult Thing I Have Had to Forgive?

This is easy for me.....TJ. I was so mad at him, I hated him, many of my friends and family STILL hate him. I found out I was pregnant and he just left me. He decided he wanted no part of it and then decided that since I did he would threaten me, verbally, and emotionally abuse me and to him...it was all ok. I can remember crying, hard. I can remember listening to him talk about the kind of parent that I would be for leaving Jayden with no dad. I can remember him telling me that he hoped that I died after surgery, telling me that he would hire someone to cut my break lines, and if he could kill me how he would do it. Mad or not, I remember all of those things. I remember him telling me how fat I would be after I had a baby and how ugly that would make me be. I cried about this....I cried because I was scared he would be right, I was scared that I couldn't do it without him, I was hurt that the person that I thought loved me back turns out didn't love me at all. After all of the things, the mean and the hurtful, I still let him come back right before she was born, I still gave him a chance and he blew it. I can remember hoping that he would do right, that he was just shocked in the beginning. Then I remember when the truth hit me...that this was the person that he is. That he wasn't going to change and that he didn't care and I decided that for mine and Jayden's sake, picking up and moving on was the best thing for us. I was mad and I was hurt and more than anything I was scared. I can say now that I don't hate him, I feel sorry for him. He is missing and has missed out on 5 wonderful years as a parent to Jayden. At the same time I think about how lucky we are that we have had the support and haven't needed him because after everything, and even though I feel sorry for him...he doesn't deserve to be in our lives. He doesn't deserve to know Jayden and how wonderful she is. He doesn't deserve to know what her favorite things to do are and what her laugh and voice sounds like. I am not mad at him anymore, I have forgiven him, and as bad as it sounds...I have all but forgotten him and I am ok with that.

On to the part you should REALLY be sitting for.....I joined the gym again. Not only did I join the gym but at 5am this morning I was climbing out of bed and by 5:30am I was at that said gym and walking my nonmorning, nonhappy self on the treadmill. I did 2 miles in 38 mins (which I will say that I am very proud of) and I came back home.

Getting up this early did allow for me to have a healthy breakfast at home, (it was DELICIOUS!!)

get my shower, get Jayden up and ready for school, and not have to go 70 mph down Hwy 5 to make it to work some where close to on time. (Maybe I am on to something here) :)
With my schedule morning workouts are so much easier so that is my goal. Maybe a class or 2 at night during the week, but mostly morning workouts it is. I've gotta get my butt in gear and get bathing suit ready before Charleston in April. I refuse to be the pale whale sitting on a towel in 6 weeks! The gym accomplishment (that's what it is, I must say that although it's day 1 of this routine, I am VERY proud of myself) brings me to todays blog topic...

Day 18 - What is something that you wish you were better at?

Running. I want to run again, be a better runner. I'm not talking running marathons or giving up my car for my legs because be serious here...no. I just want to be in shape and run, I want to enjoy exercising and the way that it makes me feel afterwards.

Now onto some pictures from my weekend.....

Her new Easter Dress!! She looks BEAUTIFUL!

I'm Changing All The Rules.....

So I don't like what Day 14's blog post is about so I'm going to shuffle things around a little....Day 15 is moving up a day and I figured I would post a recipe and weight loss update :)

Day 14/15 - What animal would you be and why?

If I could be any animal it would be a monkey. I love them, they are so cute!! Monkeys live in close family relationships where they take care of each other and monkeys are also very smart! (that totally fits my personality anyways!!) It would be fun just swinging around, and playing all the time!

On to more important matters....weight loss.....

Well to say that I have been devoted and done everything I was supposed to do for the past few weeks would be well...a lie. I have changed my eating habits a good bit and for once in my life am eating the majority of my meals at home. That I have found, makes a huge difference. Even healthy foods at a restuarant really aren't that healthy. I have had a cheat meal here or there but you know what, sue me! I am going to still enjoy myself and sometimes a cheeseburger and fries is just what you want! I have lost 6 lbs and I am happy with that. Things came off in 2011 much faster, but I was taking Phentermine and even though that worked, when I was done and started eating what I wanted again and started EATING period again....it slowly came back. This time I am eating, (not exercising like I should be....that's fixing to change) but things are working, slowly but surely. I has taken me 5 years to get to the point that I am at and it's going to take me a lot longer than 3 weeks to get it off. I am cooking low calorie dinners at home and attempting for low calories lunches as well. It has been interesting trying to find new recipes for dinners but so far my family hasn't really complained. Jayden is even eating more veggies and better, she had mashed cauliflower last night and loved it! We have also been subbing in turkey in our meals and Jayden hasn't seemed to mind at all. I'm hoping that with me trying to lose weight that I can keep her on this track and that she won't grow up with the struggles that I have had. I am hoping that she will grow up to be not only healthy but happy with herself. I want her to be a happy, healthy, not overweight child.

I tried a new recipe last night from Pinterest and my family seemed to really enjoy it! Sour Cream and Parmesan Baked Chicken with mashed cauliflower and Asian Steamer Veggies. The whole meal was very low calorie but very filling!